Happy Squirrel Lodge
by Yami Roojii
Summary: A nice relaxing break in a woodland lodge. What could possibly go wrong? Rated for later chapters.
1. Prelude to Disaster

**This fic is written purely so I can torture the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh… I AM THE PUPPET MASTER! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA! **

Ahem, sorry about that. I assure you there will be no torturing, I'm not into that. I can't promise they won't get a little distressed though.

**You never let me have any fun.**

* * *

"You are joking aren't you" Bakura growled, freezing with his spoon halfway to his mouth.

"No, why would I joke about something like this, it wouldn't be funny" Ryou asked, giving his Yami a confused frown.

"I just wondered since it was such a stupid idea" Bakura grumbled, returning to his cornflakes.

"Well I think it's a great idea, it'll be fun" Ryou smiled, humming a happy tune as he buttered his crumpets.

"Hah! You can't seriously believe that this is going to end well? Bakura snorted, his spoon once again hovering halfway between his bowl and his mouth.

"Oh come on, it's just a couple of weeks in a woodland cabin, as long as YOU don't do anything we'll be fine" Ryou sighed, walking over to the boiling kettle and pouring the water into his tea cup.

"Ryou, we both know that I am incapable and unwilling to control myself, therefore I will not be joining you and your stupid friends on this ridiculous venture" Bakura sneered, folding his arms, apparently forgetting that he was still holding a spoonful of soggy cornflakes.

Ryou tutted and shook his head in despair as he watched his Yami trying to wipe his breakfast off his sweater, swearing as he dabbed at the milk.

"Look, you're coming and that's final, there's no way I'm leaving you here on your own for two weeks" Ryou said once Bakura had given up trying to save his sweater.

Growling softly, Bakura gave his hikari his best 'bite me' glare. Ryou narrowed his eyes and gave his Yami his best 'do as your told' glare in return.

They continued to stare at each other, neither willing to back down.

It took a good seven minutes for Bakura to admit defeat.

"Go pack your stuff" Ryou smirked, sipping his tea.

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"This is going to be so much fun" Yugi chirped, sorting through his shoe collection, trying to pick which pairs to take.

"Hm, that remains to be seen, considering who we're bringing" Yami replied, trying to shut his suitcase.

"I'm sure Kaiba will behave, Mokuba will make sure of it" Yugi said cheerfully, holding up his purple trainers and his black clogs for Yami to see.

"The trainers" Yami decided after a moments consideration "I just hope you're right, I'd hate to have to initiate 'operation: silence Kaiba', he wouldn't enjoy it".

"You need to stop drawing up operation plans for everything, it's a bit sad and more than a bit strange" Yugi said, carefully replacing the clogs in their box and packing his trainers in with his camouflage pants and khaki jacket.

"I know, I know" Yami sighed, grunting as he threw his entire bodyweight on the lid of his suitcase, only to fall right over the top of it.

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"I've been looking forward to dis for ages" Joey said, pulling out his clothes drawer and upending it over his suitcase.

"Yeah, me too, it's going to be great getting to know your friends better, especially Tea, she's one of the nicest people I've ever met" Serenity replied, carefully folding each item of her clothing before she placed it in her Winnie the Pooh suitcase.

"Yup, Tea's a nice person, some might say too nice" Joey said, more to himself than his sister.

"What do you mean?" Serenity frowned.

"You'll see" Joey smiled as he carefully placed his mid journey snack on top of the tangle of clothes in his suitcase.

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"Remind me why I'm doing this?" Seto said moodily as one of his servants packed his favourite trench coats into his leather suitcase.

"'cos you love me" Mokuba replied, trying to decide whether to take his Gameboy Advance SP or his Nintendo DS.

"You do realise that that will stop working if you over use it don't you?" Seto grumbled.

"If it does I'll just buy another one" Mokuba shrugged, tossing the Gameboy into his case.

"Huh? That doesn't make se…I meant the excuse not the toy you imbecile!" Seto snarled.

Mokuba's face creased up like he was about to cry and his bottom lip started to quiver. "Is…is that what you really th…think of me?" he started to sob.

"N…no, oh Mokie I'm sorry I didn't mean it" Seto said quickly, embracing the younger Kaiba in a brotherly hug. Only the servant saw Mokuba's mischievous grin.

It was gone by the time Seto let go.

"So, you'll come?" Mokuba asked, sniffing like he was holding back the tears.

"Yes, I'll come, if that's really what you want" Seto sighed.

"And you'll be nice?" Mokuba continued, his eyes widening in the classic 'puppy dog' manoeuvre.

"Yes" Seto said through gritted teeth.

"Thanks bro, you're the best" Mokuba cried, flinging his arms around his brother.

The smile the servant saw this time would be better described as evil.

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Eight o'clock that evening everyone turned up at Yami and Yugi's place as planned, except Ryou and Bakura.

"What do you think could be keeping them" Tea wondered aloud.

"Ra knows" Yami replied, shaking his head "Maybe Bakura got his hair caught in the toaster again" he added with a smirk.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Ah, that's probably them now" Tristan said, going to open the door.

"Hello" Ryou said cheerfully, walking in with Bakura trailing behind him.

"Oooh, what a funny looking bunch of people" Bakura giggled.

"What did you say tomb robber?" Yami growled, clenching his fists.

"Wow a talking pineapple!" Bakura yelled, pointing at Yami.

Yugi tried to hold him back but, being small and about as strong as Joey was smart, didn't have much success. If Malik hadn't stepped in to help him there was no doubt that Bakura's nose would have been broken at the very least.

"Please, don't mind him" Ryou said wearily, "I had to give him a sedative to get him to come with me and it's left him a bit confused I'm afraid, it'll wear off in time"

Regaining his composure Yami shook Malik and Yugi off and stalked over to a corner to pout.

Once everyone had checked one last time that they had everything they wanted to bring they headed down to the cars.

Ryou, Yugi, Malik and Serenity would be going with Duke in his car.

Bakura, Marik, Tristan and Tea would be going with Yami in his car.

And Seto, Joey, Mai and Mokuba would be going with Ishizu in her car.

"Oh wow, what a cool car!" Serenity cried when she saw Duke's shiny black sports car.

Grinning smugly at a scowling Tristan, Duke opened the front passenger door for Serenity.

"Where's your car Ishizu?" Mokuba asked, eager to set off.

"It is that one there" She replied, pointing to a hot pink land rover parked next to a lime green Mini with a dented bumper.

"I'm not getting in that!" Seto cried, shrinking away from the car as though it was about to attack him.

"Oh come on, we can't go unless ya do so get a move on" Joey said, opening the door and shoving his nemesis inside.

"Oh dear god no!" Seto whimpered as he spotted the fluffy pink interior "It looks like a bunch of care bears threw up in here!"

"Hah, this is what I always imagined the inside of Tea's head would look like" Marik said, sticking his head through the window.

"What, pink and girly?" Joey asked.

"No, spacious and fluffy" Marik chuckled, walking over to his group, "Ugh, who on earth would want to own a piece of crap like that?" he said, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the green Mini.

Yami, his car keys in his hand, glared at Marik then walked over to the Mini and unlocked the doors.

"You're kidding!" Marik gaped "We're not all going to fit in there!".

"Sure we will" Tristan smiled, patting Marik on the back.

"Touch me again and I'll poke out your eyes with a butter knife" he hissed, narrowing his eyes at Tristan threateningly.

"Now, now, play nice children" Tea giggled.

"Ooh, gum!" Bakura cried happily, spotting a piece of chewing gum on the pavement. No one moved quick enough to stop him peeling it off and shoving it in his mouth.

"Ok, that's gross" Malik muttered.

"This gum tastes funny" Bakura said, spitting it back out again.

"Come on!" Yami yelled impatiently.

"Alright I'm com-ooh gum!" Bakura shouted, picking up the gum he just spat out.

"This is going to be a long trip" Tristan sighed.

* * *

So tired…need sleep o 


	2. Are We There Yet?

Thanks for continuing on to chapter two :-)

* * *

"For the love of Ra make it start!" Marik yelled.

"I'm trying!" Yami snapped back, turning the key in the ignition, only for the car to make the same spluttering noise as on his previous attempts.

"The others are probably half way there by now" Tristan grumbled. He wasn't in a particularly good mood. You wouldn't be either if you were stuck in a very small car between two psychotic Yami's.

"Oh come on Tristan" Tea said, twisting round so she could see him "It's hardly Yami's fault the car won't start".

"It's his piece of crap car isn't it" Marik snarled.

"Where are we going, are we going to the moon? I've always wanted to go to the moon, can we go to the moon?" Bakura babbled.

"Look, it'll start eventually, it always does" Yami sighed, trying the ignition again.

"Is there no other way we can get there?" Tristan asked impatiently, "Does anyone else have a car we can use?"

"Mine's in the garage at the moment" Marik said, shaking his head in annoyance.

"What's wrong with it" Tea inquired, keen for the arguing to stop.

"Hit too many pedestrians, the bumper finally gave up" Marik answered, grinning evilly.

Frowning, she turned to face the front again. There was no point in lecturing him. He was about as likely to listen as Bakura was to bathe.

"Please can we go to the moon, I'll be a good boy" Bakura whined, throwing himself on Tristan.

"Aaah, get it off!" Tristan cried, desperately trying to pry the uncharacteristically clingy tomb robber off him.

"AHA!" Yami yelled in triumph as the engine spluttered to life.

So, thirty five minutes after everyone else, they set off on their vacation.

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"Who wants snacks?" Joey asked, rummaging in his rucksack for candy bars.

"Ooh, me, me, me" Mokuba cried, his eyes lighting up.

"No, Mokie. You know what sugar does to you" Seto said sternly.

"Aw come on, one candy bar won't do anything!" Mokuba protested, sticking out his bottom lip.

"We both know that's not true, if one marshmallow can make you sing 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' then soil yourself I dread to think what a whole candy bar would do" Seto said, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you have anything raspberry flavoured?" Ishizu asked as Mokuba sank into a moody sulk beside her.

"Yup, here ya go" Joey said, passing her the candy.

"Thank you" Ishizu smiled, trying to open it with one hand and not look away from the road for too long.

"Mai?" Joey asked, holding out a selection for her to inspect.

"No thanks, I have to watch my figure" Mai replied, looking down her nose at the calorie loaded sweets in Joey's hands.

"Kaiba?" Joey said hesitantly.

Seto stared at him coldly for a moment then blushed slightly as his stomach let out a low gurgling sound.

"Do you have any Smores?" he asked quietly.

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"Uh, should you really be driving this fast?" Ryou asked nervously, glancing out the window at the green blurs that should have looked like trees.

"Relax man, we're totally safe" Duke laughed, winking at Serenity.

She smiled warmly in response, totally oblivious to his flirting.

"Duke, I really think you should slow down a bit" Yugi said firmly.

"Oh come on, I've never had an accident…well except that one time…but that totally wasn't my fault!" Duke said, slamming on the brakes to screech round a sharp bend.

"Oh Ra, I think I'm gonna puke" Malik said weakly, his face turning a nasty shade of green not unlike that of Yami's car.

"Pull over, quick!" Ryou said frantically.

"He'll be fine, just open a window or something" Duke said dismissively, flying round another corner at 130 Mph.

This was too much for Malik.

No longer able to hold it in, he tried to stem the flow with his hand. Unfortunately instead of keeping it in, this just caused it to spray in every direction. By the time he stopped it was dripping from the roof.

"Ok, I think I'm going to be sick now" Ryou whimpered, having caught most of it because he was sitting next to the source.

Muttering darkly about the state of his leather interior, Duke finally pulled over.

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"Who wants to sing car songs?" Tea asked cheerfully, trying to dispel the silence that had plagued them for the last ten miles.

"I would rather stick a flaming cactus up my behind" Marik snarled.

"Oooh, can I watch, I've never seen anyone do that!" Bakura cried happily.

"How much longer is he going to be like that?" Marik frowned, poking Bakura in the eye as he tried to get closer.

"Hopefully not too much longer, he seems to have stopped fidgeting at least" Tea observed.

"Ow! You're the meanest talking Christmas tree I've ever met!" Bakura huffed, rubbing his wounded eye.

If Yami hadn't turned round a particularly sharp bend at that moment Bakura would have been dead for sure. As it was, Marik was thrown against the window and no one noticed his failed lunge at the tomb robber.

"How about 'The Wheels on The Bus'?" Tea persisted.

"That's not a car song, it's a bus song" Tristan said, trying to ignore Bakura, who had started blowing raspberries in his ear.

Tea gave him a scathing look then turned to the front again.

"Hah, look's like someone didn't know how to drive properly" Tristan smirked, pointing out the window at the crash barrier which had a gaping hole in it. Beyond the barrier was a steep wooded slope so they couldn't see if there was still a car there.

"Oh how horrible!" Tea cried "I hope no one was hurt".

"I do" Marik said quietly.

Not quietly enough.

"How can you say something so nasty?" Tea frowned.

"How can you think that sweater looks good with those pants?" Marik countered.

"How dare you, you immature thug!"

"Shut up you flat chested bitch!"

"Pig!"

"Airhead!"

"Retard!"

"Fatty!"

"For the love of Ra, shut up! You sound like a couple of five year olds!" Yami yelled, his left eye starting to twitch.

Tea pouted and stared out the window, Marik sneered at the back of Yami's head and stuck his tongue out.

"I saw that!" Yami growled.

"What, how!" Marik demanded.

"The mirror you dunce" Tristan said, completely forgetting who he was talking to.

"What did you just say?" Marik said in a slow, menacing voice.

"Uh, nothing" Tristan laughed nervously.

"He called you a dunce" Bakura said loudly.

Tea jumped violently as the back seat exploded into action.

"I can't believe I agreed to two weeks of this" Yami said tiredly.

"I'm sure they'll calm down once we get out of the car" Tea said soothingly, ducking as a shoe sailed over her head.

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"What the hell are we supposed to do now!" Seto yelled angrily, kicking the back of the car, which was currently wrapped around a tree half way down a steep slope, smoke pouring out of the crumpled engine.

"Getting' angry ain't gonna help anyone Kaiba so do us all a favour and shut da hell up" Joey snapped.

"Please forgive me" Ishizu said for the hundredth time.

"Hey it's not you're fault" Mokuba soothed.

"What are you talking about! Of course it's her fault!" Seto practically screeched "She should have just flattened the god damn thing like any normal person would have!"

"But it was a Hondo Stoat!" Ishizu gasped in horror "They are rare as it is, I would never dream of killing one".

Seto stared at her in disbelief. "So you won't run over a Stoat but you'll drive us over the edge of the road. You do realise there's a two hundred foot drop at the bottom of this slope and that if that tree hadn't got in the way we'd all be dead, don't you?" he hissed.

Ishizu's suddenly pale face clearly stated that she hadn't.

"Come on Seto, leave her alone, you're not exactly the most responsible driver in the world" Mokuba said, poking his brother in the ribs.

"I don't know what you mean" Seto said, avoiding Mokuba's eyes.

"Oh really? So you don't remember the time you spilled coke all over the dashboard, swerved all over the road trying to wipe it up then crashed through the fence of a primary school playground at lunch time?"

"No" Seto said, coughing and turning away.

"Yo, guys, I tink we're gonna have t' hitch hike" Joey interrupted.

"Yeah, if we don't get going now it's going to be dark by the time we get to the cabin" Mai said, setting off for the road.

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"Right, if I see you lift your head from that bucket I'll throw you out of the car, understand?" Duke said as they all got back in.

Malik nodded and hunched over his bucket obediently.

It had taken nearly half an hour to wipe up all the sick and Ryou was now wearing a different outfit. His original one had been so drenched that they'd ripped it up and used it to clean the car.

"How much further is it?" Yugi yawned.

"If there are no more interruptions we should be there in about two hours" Duke said, shooting Malik a nasty look.

"Good, I really, really need to shower" Serenity said, shuddering at the thought of what had been on her.

"Sorry Serenity but I'm going first" Ryou said "I keep finding chunks in my hair". Winding down the window, he disposed of his latest discovery.

"Can we change the subject please?" Malik asked as Duke pulled the car back out onto the road.

"Sorry" Ryou and Serenity said in unison.

* * *

I'd really appreciate knowing what you think. Even if you just give me a simple 'yes' or 'no', it all helps. 


	3. Welcome to Happy Squirrel Lodge

Will they get there in this chapter? Read on to find out.

* * *

"I'm going to kill him!" Bakura snarled, the sedatives having finally worn off. 

"Oh don't be so mean, he only did it because he's your friend and-" Tea started.

"Shut up! For the love of Ra shut up!" Bakura interrupted, his eyes widening alarmingly.

"But I was just going to say-" Tea tried again.

"I don't care! Just shut up!" Bakura ordered.

"But-"

"Do you not understand what shut up means?"

"Yes, of course I do"

"THEN BLOODY DO IT!"

"Ah, it's nice to have you back again comrade" Marik sighed contentedly.

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Joey and Mokuba cheered as a van pulled up beside them.

"Where you guys headed?" the driver asked.

"Happy Squirrel Lodge, do ya know it?" Joey asked hopefully.

"Sure, hop in" the driver smiled.

"Happy Squirrel Lodge? That's where we're going?" Seto said in a strangled voice "Mokuba, I hope you enjoy this vacation because when we get home you're grounded."

Ishizu and Mai quickly jumped into the two passenger seats, leaving Seto, Mokuba and Joey to sit in the back.

Joey's face fell as he opened the doors. The van was carrying cases of live chickens.

Seto walked up behind Joey and peered in over his shoulder.

"Oh this just keeps getting better and better." he smirked.

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"Here we are" Duke said happily, pulling up outside the cabin.

It was a fairly large cabin with two floors and a veranda that went all the way round the building, nestled in a small clearing deep in the woods.

It was made of pine and had a sign nailed over the door that read 'Welcome to Happy Squirrel Lodge'.

"Oh, how cute" Yugi said happily, jumping up and down on the spot and clapping his hands.

"I'm not all that keen on Squirrels" Malik said worriedly as he emptied his bucket under a bush.

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure there aren't many around" Duke said reassuringly.

"There'd better not be" Marik said quietly as he wiped out the bowl with a handful of leaves.

Suddenly he heard a rustling noise from a nearby clump of bushes.

Frowning, he crept over to investigate.

Grabbing the top of the bush in both hands, he wrenched it apart…giving the three beavers inside a clear path to him.

He screamed like a little girl as they mauled him, shredding his clothes with their razor sharp teeth.

"Why is no one helping me!" he cried desperately.

"We ain't stupid that's why" Duke replied.

Marik sobbed in relief as the beavers finally got bored and wandered away.

Slowly he got to his feet, wincing as the thousands of tiny cuts all over his body twinged at the movement.

Hesitantly, he looked down.

He was completely naked apart from his socks, and even they were shredded at the top.

Squeaking in embarrassment he covered his manhood and ran over to the car to grab some clothes.

"Right, shall we go in then? Who's got the key?" Serenity asked, looking around expectantly.

They all looked at each other.

It seemed to get suddenly darker as they all realised that no one had a key.

Animals for miles around looked up, startled, as a chorus of angry shouts pierced the peaceful quiet of the woodland twilight.

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"Help me" Tristan whispered inaudibly to whichever Gods might be listening.

Bakura and Marik were having a blazing row over which was the best pie filling and Tristan, who was still stuck between them, was covered in spit and bruises.

"I'm telling you, nothing can beat Steak and Kidney!" Marik shouted.

"Hah! You've obviously never tried Pigeon and Leak!" Bakura yelled back.

"No I haven't and I never will you freak!" Marik roared.

"That's enough, you two are friends you shoudn't-" Tea began.

The looks she got as the Yami's both whipped their heads around were enough to silence her.

"We're nearly there, we're nearly there" Yami mumbled under his breath, trying desperately to keep his eyes from shutting.

"Who wants to plat I Spy?" Tristan asked suddenly.

"Ooh, ok" Tea said cheerfully.

Bakura and Marik both considered Tristans proposal for a moment then nodded their approval.

Yami ignored them, his exhausted brain struggling enough as it was to concentrate on the road.

"I'll go first" Tristan said, "I spy with my little eye something beginning with…T."

"Uh, tree's?" Tea chirped hopefully.

"Yup" Tristan smiled.

"Ok, my turn, I spy with my little eye something beginning with…F" Tea said, grinning like a maniac.

"If you say friends I'll snap you in half" Bakura said dangerously.

"Uh, i…it's not friends" Tea stammered, her grin replaced with a nervous smile.

"What is it then?" Marik asked, clearly not believing her.

"Uh, um, …f…f…foliage!" Tea cried triumphantly, slumping down in her chair in relief.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to be on the other side of the road?" Tristan interrupted before either of the Yami's could say anything.

They all looked out the window, then at Yami.

He had his head resting on the wheel and was snoring softly.

"YAMI!" Tea screamed, causing Yami to sit up suddenly and pop his eyes open in surprise.

"Wha?…I don't wanna wear the tutu" he mumbled, clearly confused.

"The road! Watch the road you incompetent arse!" Bakura bellowed, bringing Yami into full consciousness.

Letting out a small cry of alarm, he wrenched the wheel round and steered them back onto the other side of the road.

"Uh, it might be a good idea if someone else drove the rest of the way" he said sheepishly.

"You think!" Marik yelled.

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"This is fun" Mokuba said happily, petting one of the chickens through the gap in the side of a crate.

"Oh yes, I've never had so much fun" Seto sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yo, driver, how long till we get there?" Joey called through to the front.

"Not long now, it's just over that hill" the driver replied.

"Oh thank god" Mai muttered.

Suddenly the van jerked upwards for a second.

"What da hell was dat?" Joey asked the driver, raising his voice over the panicking chickens.

"Just a Stoat" the driver smiled.

"No!" Ishizu cried.

Evil laughter echoed through from the back.

"Shut up Kaiba" Joey growled.

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"Finally!" Tristan cried in relief as the car screeched to a halt about two inches from the rear bumper of Dukes car.

They all got out as quickly as they could.

"You said you could drive!" Yami yelled.

"I can" Bakura yelled back "I hardly ever crash at the arcade!"

They all stared at him, completely lost for words.

"Hey guys" Duke called, waving from the veranda where he, Serenity, Ryou, Yugi and Malik were sitting.

"Hi" Tea replied, walking over, "Why are you all sitting out here?"

"We don't have a key" Malik replied miserably.

"How long have you been out here?" Tristan asked.

"At least an hour" Ryou yawned.

"Wow you got here fast!" Tea exclaimed.

"Yeah well we would, travelling at 200mph" Marik muttered darkly, clutching his stomach.

Tea was about to reply when she was interrupted by the sound of an approaching engine.

They all watched as a van pulled up in the clearing.

Mai and Ishizu jumped out of the front once it had parked.

"Hey where's-" Yami started as the rear door flew open and Mokuba, Joey and Seto, all covered in feathers and bits of hay, tumbled out.

"Thanks" Mokuba called as the van drove away.

Shaking his head, Yami turned and walked up to the front door. Rummaging in his pocket he pulled out the key and opened it.

"Welcome to Happy Squirrel Lodge" he smiled.

Everyone (except Seto, Marik and Bakura) cheered.

* * *

I really should stop writing so late at night. I must look a right state at the moment, hunched over the keyboard, squinting at the screen, swearing as I make mistake after mistake… 

As usual please tell me what you think, I really appreciate it.


	4. And So It Begins

This seems to be my most popular fic so far so I'll try not to leave too long between updates.

**Also, we were going over it and decided to start naming the chapters. **

I was about to say that.

**I know, you just type too slow. **

You don't type any faster!

**Who are they going to believe? You, 'queen of the nerds' or me, 'Goddess of the written word'?**

To be honest, I don't think they care. And it's nice to see you've sorted out that ego problem we talked about.

**What are you talking about? My ego, like the rest of me, is perfect.**

Right…

* * *

The main living area was a lot bigger than it looked possible to be from the outside and contained no less than four sofas.

The middle of the room was sunken about two feet below the rest of the floor and was filled with bean bags.

There was a large fireplace, complete with what looked like a three year supply of firewood.

The ceiling went up the full two floors, the second floor being nothing but a balcony that ran around the walls and led off to various other rooms.

They all collapsed onto the sofas appreciatively.

"Ok" Yami said cheerfully, taking charge just like he always did, "Tea, Mai, Serenity and Ishizu, your room is the first one at the top of the stairs."

The girls all nodded, grabbed their stuff and headed for their bedroom.

"Yugi, Ryou, Mokuba and Duke, you're in the first room on the left, I'll be in with Tristan, Malik and Joey on the right" Yami continued, "and…" he shot the remaining three a less than friendly look, "Marik, Bakura and Kaiba have the room right at the end of the left hand balcony."

"Hey!" Bakura snarled "This is our holiday too you know, you can't treat us like lepers."

"As I recall, you didn't even want to come" Yami sneered.

"You're right, I didn't, but I'm bloody well here now and I refuse to be picked on by the likes of you, midget man!" Bakura growled, advancing on Yami threateningly.

"Now, now, calm down" Tea reasoned, coming back down the stairs as her friendship radar alerted her to the current situation "nobody do anything rash, we're all frie-"

"DIE!" Bakura screamed, forgetting about Yami and going for Tea instead.

There was a small click sound followed by a short whoosh and Bakura slumped onto the floor, mere inches from his target.

Ryou frowned in annoyance as he put the tranquiliser gun back in his bag "I was really hoping I wouldn't have to use that…"

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The bedrooms each contained two bunk beds, a wardrobe, a side table and a sink. They were all spacious and comfortable.

"This is going to be great" Yugi squeaked, bouncing on the bed slightly as he got excited.

"If everyone behaves" Ryou sighed, towelling his hair dry after his forty-five minute shower.

"Hey guys look! A squirrel!" Mokuba cried happily, pointing out of the window into the dark woodland that surrounded the cabin.

"Oh wow, I never would've expected to see one of those out here!" Duke yelled back in mock excitement.

Mokuba pouted and started to let his eyes fill up.

"Oh don't even try it" Duke smirked "That might work on your brother but it's not going to work on me, I don't care if you cry."

Screwing up his face, Mokuba burst into loud, angry tears.

Seto was there in seconds.

"What's wrong Mokie" he asked, walking over to comfort his brother.

"Dice boy's being mean to me" he wailed, burying his face in his pillow.

"What's the meaning of this?" Seto snarled dangerously, grabbing the front of Dukes shirt and nearly lifting him clean off the floor.

"I…I…I wasn't, I …I just made a joke, I didn't mean to upset him!" Duke whimpered.

"He…he said he didn't c…care if I cried" Mokuba sobbed.

"NO! I…ok, I said that but I'm sorry, believe me I'm sorry!" Duke cried, on the verge of wetting himself as Seto pulled back a fist to mince his face.

Snorting in amusement, Seto dropped Duke and turned to leave.

"If you upset my brother again, Devlin, you will regret it, understand?" he hissed over his shoulder.

Duke nodded meekly then sighed in relief as Seto finally left.

"The runt's definitely a Kaiba" he muttered to himself as Yugi and Ryou chatted away, desperately trying to pretend that the last five minutes hadn't happened.

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"Uh, Malik" Joey said, sidling up to the unpacking Egyptian.

"Yeah?" Malik replied, looking up from his thong collection, which was currently spread over his bed.

"Why d' ya look like ya jumped in a needle pit?" Joey asked, studying the zillion cuts all over Maliks person.

Malik turned away from him and started muttering darkly to himself. Joey just about managed to make out the words 'beavers' and 'bust their little dams' before Malik started cackling evilly.

"Uh, ok, well I'll speak to ya later" Joey said nervously, patting Malik on the back and leaving him to organise his underwear in peace.

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"Why do you care for that runt?" Marik asked as soon as Seto returned to their room.

"He's my brother" Seto replied, clearly thinking that was explanation enough.

"So? Ishizu is my sister…sort of…and I don't give a damn about her or her feelings" Marik growled.

"Yes, well, there's just a pinky coloured void where your emotions should be isn't there. You're not like other people" Seto sneered.

"Hmph, it's not my fault if I don't ca…what do you mean 'pinky coloured'?" Marik asked, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Interpret it however you like, the fact that your mind jumped straight to the conclusion that I was suggesting you are gay tells you something though doesn't it?" Seto smirked, neatly packing his clothes into the wardrobe.

"Wha…?" Marik gaped, confused for a moment.

It didn't take him long to figure out what Seto meant.

"I am NOT gay, beanpole!" he yelled angrily, clenching his fists.

"Fight, fight, fight" Bakura chanted, settling comfortably on one of the top bunks to watch his roommates knock the stuffing out of each other. (The tranquilisers have worn off).

Letting out their respective battle cries, they flew at each other. Marik, due to the power of the Millennium Rod, quite literally.

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"Who wants to go and toast marshmallows in front of the fire?" Yugi asked, looking around at his roommates with eyes full of childish joy.

"That sounds like fun" Ryou smiled.

"Yeah!" Mokuba said excitedly.

"Yipee" Duke said flatly.

Ignoring him, Yugi pulled out a bumper pack of marshmallows and skipped off towards the living area, pausing on the way to invite everyone else.

"This is great" Tea said, fifteen minutes later as they all sat around the fire toasting marshmallows and crumpets.

"If by great you mean huge waste of time, then I agree" Marik grumbled, staring moodily at the lump of coal on the end of his skewer that used to be a fluffy pink marshmallow.

"I find it relaxin'" Joey said, putting his fourteenth crumpet over the fire.

The idle chit-chat continued for a few minutes before anyone noticed the funny smell.

"Dude, what's that funky smell?" Tristan said, wrinkling his nose at the unpleasant odour.

Instinctively everyone turned to Joey, much to his annoyance.

"I didn't do nothin!" he said defensively.

"That was a double negative Wheeler, you just admitted you did something" Seto smirked.

"Shut up egghead" Joey hissed.

"HEY!" Malik yelled as he noticed the source of the smell.

Bakura had one of his precious thongs on the end of a skewer and was happily toasting it, a mischievous grin on his face.

"You…you… you meanie!" Malik cried, tears springing to his eyes as he tried to rescue his sequined baby.

Bakura, satisfied that Malik was distressed enough for the moment, moved on to stabbing a bean bag with his skewer instead.

"How can you live with that and still be sane?" Malik asked Ryou, cradling the charred remains of his underwear.

"A mixture of Valium and Buddhism" Ryou sighed, "The thought that he's going to come back as a slug in the next life keeps me going."

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By two in the morning everyone agreed it was time to go to bed, except Bakura, who announced he was a creature of the night and jumped out the window with a fistful of marshmallows.

Once everyone had said goodnight and turned off the lights a peaceful silence fell over the cabin…for about ten minutes, before an ear splitting shriek rang out across the hills…

* * *

Sorry that's shorter than the previous chapters. It shouldn't be too long before the next one is up, once I've had my sugar fix I'll get down to writing it.

**Sugarsugarsugarcaffeine! **

Yes, I quite agree.


	5. Night Terrors

Here you go. I've had my sugar, now you can have your chapter.

* * *

Everyone bolted upright as one. 

"What da hell was dat?" Joey growled sleepily.

"Sounds like someone's in trouble!" Yami replied, leaping out of bed and running out into the hall.

"Off to save the day again are we?" Malik muttered, following at a more leisurely pace.

"I think it came from the bad place" Tea said, standing in the doorway of her room and pointing towards Bakura, Marik and Seto's room.

"Oh no! They're probably torturing some poor girl!" Serenity cried, peering over Tea's shoulder.

Tea opened her mouth to say more but was cut off by another shriek followed by insane cackling.

Arranging his face into a determined expression, Yami kicked the door open.

He was totally unprepared for what he saw.

Seto was clinging to the light fitting, sobbing like a little girl. Marik was on the floor along with Seto's bedding, laughing hysterically.

"Wha…?" Yami gaped.

"Get rid of it…make it go away!" Seto screeched, gesturing madly at his bed.

Frowning in confusion, Yami walked over to the bed and looked down at it.

There, right in the middle of the tangled sheets, was a house spider.

He let out a tiny snort that quickly escalated into him joining Marik on the floor.

"Nyahaha, who ever woulda thought da great Seto Kaiba would be scared of a little spider" Joey laughed once he realised what was going on.

"Yes, yes, it's hilarious, NOW GET RID OF IT" Seto yelled, still swinging from the ceiling.

Giggling slightly, Yami scooped up the spider and dropped it out the window.

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It was two hours before everyone was woken up again. This time by someone yelling unintelligibly.

"For the love of Ra…" Yami yawned, rolling out of bed to locate the source of the noise.

It sounded like it was coming from downstairs this time.

Leaning over the balcony he saw Yugi and Duke trying to restrain Ryou who was hitting at something only he could see.

Rolling his eyes he stomped down the stairs and asked them what the hell they were doing.

"Kill them, kill them all!" Ryou screamed, nearly giving Yugi a black eye.

"He's still asleep" Duke explained, "We assume he's having a nightmare."

"You have to help me" Ryou hissed, grabbing the front of Yami's teddy bear pyjamas and pulling his face close, "We have to destroy them!"

"Destroy what?" Yami asked tiredly.

"What do you mean? Can't you see them? They're everywhere!" Ryou growled, his eyes darting about so fast it made Yami feel slightly queasy.

"Ryou there's nothi-" Yami started to say before Ryou tightened his grip and cut off his air.

"Are you mad!" He cried, shaking Yami so hard he nearly gave him whiplash.

"What, Ryou, what, we can't see anything" Yugi squeaked, trying to pry Ryou's fingers from Yami's pyjama front.

"THE BUNNIES!" Ryou screamed, raising both hands and waving them around like a madman.

Unfortunately he forgot to let go of Yami so he, being small and light, went up in the air too.

"AAAAH! Duke, go and get that tranquiliser gun he used on Bakura earlier" Yami yelled as he flew in wide circles through the air.

Duke nodded and ran to find it.

"Ryou calm down, they want you to lose it" Yugi cried, desperately trying anything he could think of, "You'll annoy them more by ignoring them."

Panting, Ryou dropped Yami onto the floor and turned to face Yugi.

"You're working with them aren't you?" he accused.

"N…no, I…Ryou please!" Yugi whimpered as he tried to outrun his usually docile friend.

"DEATH TO THE BUNN-" Ryou managed to yell before Duke shot him in the rear with a tranquiliser dart.

"Right, well if you don't mind I'm going to go to bed now" Yami rasped, massaging the bump on his head.

Sighing Yugi and Duke looked at each other then lifted Ryou and started to drag him back upstairs.

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Staring up at the almost full moon, Bakura cursed his hikari.

How dare he drug him and drag him out here to spend two weeks with his infantile friends!

He was always going on about human rights and free will and how what Bakura had done to him was soooo wrong.

"Bloody hypocrite" Bakura snarled, throwing a stone at an owl.

Screeching in annoyance, the owl shot up into the air…only to swoop back down and try to claw the tomb robbers eyes out.

"Ahhh, why is everyone against me!" Bakura cried, desperately trying to fend off the owl with a stick.

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Sighing in frustration, Yami rolled over and rearranged his pillows for the tenth time in four minutes.

For some reason he couldn't get back to sleep.

"It's the first night and I already wish I was at home" he mumbled miserably to himself.

"What?" Malik asked sleepily.

"Oh nothing, I was just talking to myself" Yami replied.

"First sign of madness, that is" Malik chuckled.

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Everyone got up bright and early the next morning and gathered in the kitchen for breakfast.

"Wow, I slept really well last night" Ryou smiled, buttering a scone.

He didn't see the dark looks that Yugi, Duke and Yami gave him.

"It don't look like you slept well" Joey observed, gesturing at the bags under Yami's eyes.

"I didn't sleep at all after a certain…incident…involving invisible bunnies" Yami grumbled, glancing at Ryou again.

"That's so funny, I had a dream about bunny rabbits" Ryou giggled, still blissfully ignorant of what he had done the previous night.

"I know" Yami said through gritted teeth.

Ryou gave him an odd look then shrugged and returned to his scone.

Bakura chose that moment to return through a window.

"Why can't you use the door like a normal person?" Tea frowned.

"Because, my dear piglet, I am not normal" Bakura replied, seating himself next to Marik and ignoring Tea's indignant pout.

"Uh, I'm probably going to regret asking this but why do you have scratches all over your face?" Tristan inquired, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"I had a disagreement with a fellow creature of the night" Bakura shrugged, grabbing Ryou's second scone and stuffing it in his mouth.

"Did you win?" Marik asked.

"I did indeed, I got it with an-OW" Bakura yelled as the hand that had been wandering towards Ryou's replacement scone was speared with a butter knife.

Wiping the blood off the knife, Ryou put it back on the table.

Snarling in annoyance, Bakura mentally added stabbing to the list of injustices Ryou had committed against him.

"So what's everyone doing today?" Serenity asked cheerfully.

"Plotting how best to destroy you all" Marik replied, grinning menacingly at her.

"Joey, I'm scared" Serenity whimpered.

"Hey! Leave her alone ya big jerk" Joey said, standing up so he was towering over the offending party.

"Oh what is that phrase…ah yes, bite me" Marik smirked.

"Alright" Joey growled, leaping across the table and sinking his teeth into Mariks arm.

Everyone ignored them as they rolled around on the floor, punching each other. Except for Tea, of course, who hovered around them, frantically reminding them that they were friends and that friends don't try to maim each other.

"What's that you're drinking?" Mokuba asked Ryou, pointing at his teacup.

"Green tea" Ryou replied, offering him some.

Mokuba sipped it cautiously.

"Ugh, it tastes like grass" he spluttered.

"It's really good for you though" Ryou smiled.

"AHA" Marik yelled triumphantly, pinning Joey with a move he learned from watching early morning chat shows.

"Alright that's enough" Malik sighed, pulling out a taser and zapping his Yami with it.

"That's a bit cruel isn't it?" Ryou frowned.

"Hey, you have your ways and I have mine. Besides, there isn't a tranquiliser in existence that can bring him down" Malik shrugged.

"Ha! I win loser" Joey said smugly, looking down at Mariks unconscious, twitching body.

"Oh shut up Wheeler, you were never at any point even close to winning" Seto growled, looking up from his coffee to glare at his nemesis for a second.

"I know what everyone needs!" Tea suddenly cried, "Hugs!"

That statement effectively emptied the kitchen, leaving only Tea and Serenity behind.

"I'll hug you" Serenity said happily.

* * *

Well, they survived the first night. 

**There's still time…**

I already told you, no! Changing the subject, I'd just like to thank the people who've reviewed this story so far. You're all wonderful people.

**Shut up you sentimental git. **


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